Third quarter: Once this is over, you’ll have made it through 75% of the game.
Try: Shiner Cold-Brew Coffee Ale, which will keep you awake through the rest of this nonsense, or Sam Adams Rebel Juiced IPA, an inexpensive mango-flavored beer that feels fancy. Even if you’re drinking from the can, you deserve this.
• Drink every time the clock stops.
• Drink every time there’s a slow-motion replay on TV. Seriously? Didn’t we just see that?
• Drink when you think a commercial break is unnecessary, and they should just get on with the game.
• Drink anytime someone asks what quarter it is. (There’s still another quarter of this left.)
• Drink when you find yourself googling the rules of football.
• Drink when you see a “fan” take a break from game-watching to scroll on Instagram or check Snapchat.